I have decided to launch a full-on harassment assault on these pompous assholes over at the so-called "Starburst Company." Apparently, the big wigs over there feel that the voice of the people just isn't worth concerning themselves with. Well, listen up cunts: This is one voice that will not be silenced. Until I, at the least, get a response, my emails will NOT cease.
Therefore, the following is my most recent letter to the dickholes at Starburst who seem to think we enjoy chomping on yellow pieces of ass candy:
"Hey Fagats,
I emailed you dick-lickers a couple weeks ago, and my request for retribution has gone totally ungarnered! This is absolute bullshit. Do I really need to email you people twice about this? Get your shit together, and halt production on your god-forsaken yellow Starburst product line. At least put a poll up on your website, and find out who actually likes yellow Starbursts. Ever think of that geniuses? You're so fucking brilliant to come up with the formula for yellow Starbursts, but apparently you can't wrap your mind around the concept of research and development. Fuck your mother.
I'm seriously tired of this. I'm very, very exhausted from throwing yellow Starbursts at my co-workers; they are also tired of having yellow Starbursts thrown at their face. You should come out with a 'pink only' series or something. You fucking idiots.
Why would you INCLUDE the best possible flavor, and then fuck it all up with these other lackluster flavors. You're fucking retarded.
Yeah, I have idea: I think I'll write and perform the most popular song. Then, instead of trying to write other songs like it, I'll just make some really shitty ones and throw those on the album. Do you understand that metaphor fuckers? Or is that over your Starbursty heads?
Figure it out, and get back to me on this. You could totally start the "Think Pink" campaign, in which you only sell pink Starbursts. That would be genius. But of course you won't do that because you're all absolutely queer."
I'm sure to hear back from them this time. Goddamn assholes.
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