Yeah, I said it. The Wii sucks donkey bizzalls!
Well, as the story goes, we were sooooo excited to get this thing. After hearing all these assholes talk about how fun it was, how Nintendo had really harnessed the technology of human motion and brilliantly incorporated it into their games, we were super anxious to open it up and try it!....well, it turned out to be some A#1 horseshit!
You'd think that a console that markets itself to kids and to "party" players would have some good quality two-player games. Well, apparently that was far too lofty of an idea. All the two player games lick nutsack till the break of dawn. Sonya and I tried the Big Brain Academy game, which should be called Big Huge Piece of Fecal Spooge On My Head and Smear It In Academy For Bigtime Fagats Who Enjoy Wasting Time and Getting Pissed Off At Games Cause It's Too Bitch-Ass Difficult To Play and Oh Yeah, The Use Of the Wiimote is About As Innovative As A Horse Taking a Dump On A Fuckin' Cottongin.
Or some variation of that. It blows cats, that's all you need to know.
Then we got this other fucking game....called "Party Games" or something like that. Basically, it's a collection of crap games like darts, a stupid trivia game, shooting faggy hoops, boccie ball...what the fuck? And of course, it incorporates the use of the Wiimote into all that horseshit. How is it, you query? Doesn't work for the most part. I spent most of my time swearing at it, flailing my arms around like some kind of deranged bird that's just been shot in the ovary, and then cursing the day Nintendo released this big hunk of $250 shit.
Then we rented some fag game the other day where fucking Sonic is on some sort of snowboard...except it's not a snowboard because there's no snow. There's also no fun.
So fuck you Nintendo, fuck you Wii, fuck you people who like the Wii, you should all take a baseball bat and fuckin' point to the goddamn outfield Babe Ruth style and then knock that shit out your third-story apartment window, just like I plan to do.
Okay, maybe I'm going to sell it on Ebay, but...you know...same thing.
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