What Grinds My Gears #7: The Fuckin' Wii

Yeah, I said it. The Wii sucks donkey bizzalls!

Well, as the story goes, we were sooooo excited to get this thing. After hearing all these assholes talk about how fun it was, how Nintendo had really harnessed the technology of human motion and brilliantly incorporated it into their games, we were super anxious to open it up and try it!....well, it turned out to be some A#1 horseshit!

You'd think that a console that markets itself to kids and to "party" players would have some good quality two-player games. Well, apparently that was far too lofty of an idea. All the two player games lick nutsack till the break of dawn. Sonya and I tried the Big Brain Academy game, which should be called Big Huge Piece of Fecal Spooge On My Head and Smear It In Academy For Bigtime Fagats Who Enjoy Wasting Time and Getting Pissed Off At Games Cause It's Too Bitch-Ass Difficult To Play and Oh Yeah, The Use Of the Wiimote is About As Innovative As A Horse Taking a Dump On A Fuckin' Cottongin.

Or some variation of that. It blows cats, that's all you need to know.

Then we got this other fucking game....called "Party Games" or something like that. Basically, it's a collection of crap games like darts, a stupid trivia game, shooting faggy hoops, boccie ball...what the fuck? And of course, it incorporates the use of the Wiimote into all that horseshit. How is it, you query? Doesn't work for the most part. I spent most of my time swearing at it, flailing my arms around like some kind of deranged bird that's just been shot in the ovary, and then cursing the day Nintendo released this big hunk of $250 shit.

Then we rented some fag game the other day where fucking Sonic is on some sort of snowboard...except it's not a snowboard because there's no snow. There's also no fun.

So fuck you Nintendo, fuck you Wii, fuck you people who like the Wii, you should all take a baseball bat and fuckin' point to the goddamn outfield Babe Ruth style and then knock that shit out your third-story apartment window, just like I plan to do.

Okay, maybe I'm going to sell it on Ebay, but...you know...same thing.

What Grinds My Gears #6: Lazy old people

Look at this fagat! (see above fagat)

So, I'm sitting in the usual place I go for lunch the other day, which is a SERVE YOUR FUCK FUCK SELF sandwich place.

This means that even if you're old as shit, you need to SERVE YOUR FUCK FUCK SELF!

But apparently this particular asshole (see above fagat) didn't get the message.

Because I'm sitting there like a human eating my sandwich, and I look over to see this dickhole (see above fagat) of an old guy, out of no where, just raise his fucking soda cup into the air and hold it there for a good 30 seconds, clearly expecting somebody to come running over and refill it with the swiftness of Karen Carpenter's gag reflex.

Well, no one came to his aide.

He then proceeds to look around, as clearly no one is paying attention to him----probably because it's a SERVE YOUR FUCK FUCK SELF sandwich shop! There is a goddamn soda fountain by the counter, and humans typically go over to it and fill their shit up!

Apparently not if you're an old fagat.

If you're an old fagat you probably expect people, who are in the back of the kitchen and in reality can not by any means see you, to be watching your old ass closely, just to make sure you don't require any type of personal assistance. Fagat!

At this point, I realize I'm pissed off by this old fagat's presumptuous behavior, and so I walk around and make sure I get a nice little shot of this dickhole with my brand new iPhone. Yes, that's right, iPhone. Did I mention it's brand? And also new? Happens also to be an iPhone....also. ALSO!

Anyway, the next time he raises his fucking cup like some kind of Christopher Reeve, he happens to catch the attention of an employee who's already out on the floor. Now, what I would have done is to knock his chair out from under him and promptly dump the remainder of the cup on his head (mostly ice, because evidently he was 'a runnin dry!') But, she, not wanting to lose her job ostensibly, took it and refilled it.

While she was refilling it though, I think I heard her mumble, "old fagat" under her breath.