What Grinds My Gears #5: Freeway Rocks

Okay, I'm about ready to fucking loose it.  Let me just recap the events as of late. About six months ago I buy a car. Three months later I hit a bucket in the road, causing my front end to be good and fucked up (see What Grinds My Gears #3).  Today, a month after repairing my front end from the bucket, a huge ass rock comes to give me a nice little "hello" in the form of a fucking cracked windshield. No, not acceptable. 

This leads me to ask a number of questions:

Question #1: What the fuck? 

Question #2: What the fucking fuck?!

Question #3: Do I have a "freeway shit magnet" hidden somewhere on my car?

Question #4: Is it possible to have a nice car in Los Angeles or should I just give up and run my shit off the road right now?

Question #5: Does Jesus hate my ass?

Question #6: What will happen next? Any wagers? Like to start a pool? 

Question #7: Does George Bush really not care about black people?

Question #8: Is this blog gay?

And now the answer cheat sheet:

Answer #1: Not sure really

Answer #2: A cat

Answer #3: I don't see any other logical answer other than, abso-fucking-lutely 

Answer #4: I submit that it is not possible to have a nice car in Los Angeles. I suggest buying a fucking 1997 MPV Van and just run into everything possible. Then keep your nice car parked lovingly in the garage, only to take it out and drive it around the block bi-annually.

Answer #5: Yes, Jesus really, how you say, thinks I'm "abrasive and callus," as he put it. Slowly killing my car may be his way of punishing my "indignities," as he said. I think he's just trying to impress me and cover up his own insecurities by using big words. Pretty transparent I think.

Answer #6: My car will most likely somehow jump off a freeway overpass Dukes of Hazard-

style, henceforth exploding into a heaping pile of shit, thus allowing the planets to align and actualizing my car's ultimate fate. I will then continue to make payments on my non-existent car from the comfort of my hospital bed. And then I'll pee on a nurse.

Answer #7: No.

Answer #8: Yes.

Grinds my gears!